Last week, at foster parent training, I went to sit with friends I had only seen across the room on the first night of class. As my friend hugged me she said, “I told him, ‘I’m so excited, it’s like Leanne and I are expecting together!’” What a cool thing to say! I’ve thought about it ever since.
Since I wrote the post about Being Marilla, I’ve mostly filled out paperwork, waited, worked on my house and yard, gone to classes, and waited some more. I’ve wondered if I really have what it takes to be a mom to children who have been wounded or rejected or abandoned by their parents. So, I’ve prepared, waited, gone to classes, and been a combination of excited and nervous, and at the end of all of this, a child will come live in my house. Wow, I really am expecting!
Thinking about it also reminded me of finding Psalm 5:3: “In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.” Almost every time I read that verse my next thought is, “Do I really do that?” More often I lay my requests before Him and then rush off into the day as though I have to answer my own prayer. There’s not much expecting in that, and there’s certainly no waiting!
Sara Groves recently contrasted the frenetic work human beings do in their own strength with the work of God in their lives:
“The things that have been substantial in my marriage, in my work, in my parenting, in my friendships, those things have come about like a pregnancy. I’ve had a sense of God working in my life, doing something bigger than myself, and it’s going to be born if I like it or not – this thing is coming.”
She in turn was commenting on Eugene Peterson’s paraphrase of Psalm 127:1-3.
“If God doesn’t build the house, the builders only build shacks.
If God doesn’t guard the city,
the night watchman might as well nap.
It’s useless to rise early and go to bed late,
and work your worried fingers to the bone.
Don’t you know he enjoys
giving rest to those he loves?”
Ah, yes, rest and waiting. Both are symptoms of a heart counting on God to come through, on His work on behalf of His child. He hears my requests. He is building my house – He already knows the name of the child who will live here soon, and He is preparing my heart and mind. Yes, Lord, I wait in expectation. Amen.
2 responses to “Expecting”
Yep, that’s what it’s like to be expecting. You start the process, and then you wait. You go to the doctor for confirmation, and then you wait some more. You don’t feel pregnant, and you wonder if this is really happening. All this time, God is quietly working to knit together the miracle He has prepared especially for you. Then one day your jeans are a little too tight or you feel that first butterfly flutter of movement, and it begins to feel real. One day soon, you’ll get a phone call or a letter and it will begin to feel real. I know you’ll be a wonderful mother, and I can’t wait to meet the child God has chosen for you.
Leanne, your words are so clearly a window into your heart; I feel privileged to read and receive them. How neat that Sara Groves is one whose words speak to you. Her words have spoken my heart’s groanings so many times.
My heart is overflowing with gratitude.
Love you! Derica